BEST EVER DIVORCEMENT LETTER
Greetings, Wife
I am informing you in this letter that I will not be returning. I have been a kind man to you for seven years. Nothing has changed as a result for me.
The last fortnight has been an absolute nightmare. The last straw was receiving a call from your manager informing me that you had quit today.
You returned home a week ago. You had no idea that I’d cooked your favorite dish or acquired a new haircut. I even had on a brand-new pair of silk boxers.
You finished eating in two minutes and watched all of your television dramas before heading straight to bed.
You no longer tell me that you love me, and you don’t want to spend time together with me through sex or other activities. Whether you’re cheating on me or you’ve simply stopped loving me, I’m leaving.
Your former spouse
PS: Don’t bother looking for me. Your sister and I are relocating to West Virginia! Have fun with life!
To My Former Spouse,
More than anything, reading your note has made my day happier. Despite our seven-year marriage, you haven’t always been the wonderful man you believe yourself to be.
TV dramas are my favorite since they take my mind off of all of your incessant complaining. Too bad it doesn’t function all the time.
Although I knew you had a haircut last week, my initial impression was that you looked really feminine!
My mother always told me to keep quiet if you had nothing nice to say, therefore I didn’t say anything. And when you made my favorite dinner, you must have believed I was MY SISTER because I gave up pork seven years ago.
About those brand-new silk boxers, I hoped the fact that the price tag on them still said $49.99 and that my sister had just received a $50 loan from me that morning was a coincidence.
Despite everything, I still loved you and believed that we could work things out. Thus, following my $10 million lottery victory, I resigned from my position and bought two tickets for our trip to Jamaica. When I got home, though, you weren’t there.
Everything occurs, I suppose, for a reason. I hope you have the fulfilling life you’ve always imagined. The letter you sent assures you that you will not be receiving any money from me, according to my attorney. So, good fortune to you.
Your ex-wife, free and as wealthy as hell!
PS: My sister Carla was actually born Carl; I’m not sure if I ever told you this. I’m hoping that won’t be a problem.
Please SHARE this article with your loved ones on Facebook if you enjoyed reading it.
Post on Facebook
